Unappealing Ice Cream Flavors Created on Iron Chef America

• Trout
• Scallop
• Purple Peruvian Potato
• Veal Sorbet
• Bacon
• Turkey Sorbet
• Asparagus
• Sugared Salmon with Beet Sorbet
• Lentil
• Olive Oil
• Vanilla Ice Cream - with Lobster Sauce
• Skirt Steak
• Prosciutto
• Tomato Sorbet
• Balsamic Sorbet
• Bacon
• Coleslaw

Source: My traumatized memory and GSNN.

Ooh, Slow First Day Back at the Gym

Two realizations on my strength and I get older:

1. How much less I've got, and
2. How quickly it goes

Yesterday was my first day back to the Planet Fitness gym after the week off for Thanksgiving, and I was seriously sucking wind.  In times past, I would return from an occasional week off reinvigorated and have a really good work-out.  Yesterday I couldn't finish my usual warm-up.  OK, it was a warm-up 5K on 8.2mph, but still, it's only been a week.

It could be that this break involved a steady diet of Stew Leonard's cheese bagels and ice cream sandwiches with an all-out Thanksgiving gorging, coupled with mostly a lot of lying around on the couch.  Hopefully yesterday I was just working the last of the tryptophan out of my system.

It does concern me that a more rapid loss of gains could be part of a larger downward trend.  I'm definitely sure I can't lift as much as I used to.  The hard thing is that the memory lasts longer than the body.  Years ago I met my thesis adviser at school's gym one morning just getting back into it (guy was probably only a few years older than I am now), and he lamented to me that "you can remember what you used to be able to do", but if you start with that weight again, you're straining out the second rep.

Heading back today of course for some cardio - consistency is the key - my muscles weren't too sore this morning so I think it's mostly my stamina that went.  December is a weird month and I'm already looking at the calendar for when I'll have to miss - it looks like I'll be back home for the last third of the month in the same routine as last week.  It's sad to think at best now at the gym I'm only lessening what the December holidays are going to do to my body.  Playing for keeps starts in January.

Hiding What I'm Reading

The book I am currently reading, London Fields by Martin Amis, contains a fair amount of naughty bits.  I'm only a third of the way through, enough to know the movie version would be rated R for language and sexual situations - today the protagonist of the black comedy insouciantly justified rape.

I'm painfully self-conscious and worry even about the options of complete strangers.  So it was only after I was assured my seatmate was sufficiently conked out that dared to crack open my book on the Amtrak back to Providence this morning.  There's a lot in there that'd be easy to take out of context.

Several years ago I sat down on a plane to read a book entitled White Man's Burden (by Bill Easterly) for an economics class.  Guess who sat next to me?  A non-Caucasian, let's just say that.  If it came up I could have explained that the book was actually about identifying effective development strategies - a noble goal, of course - but it coming up at all means digging myself out of a hole so I simply buried the spine (displaying the title) in my lap until we departed the plane.

Amtrak coach is cramped enough that it's easy to read over someone's shoulder, and books cannot accommodate privacy screens.  Computers can, but no one bothers with them.  On the train home last Monday I couldn't look up without looking straight into the movie some college kid was watching on his laptop (this morning those same college kids were mostly asleep).  All was pretty tame.  The person in front of me watched Captain America, to my right, Titanic.  So, no one's media choice revealed their perversions, only how boring they are.

Now, back when I was in college - on a trip to the NCAA basketball tournament I ended up sitting next to the mascot on the plane.  On his laptop, in loop, he played the scene in Road Trip when Amy Smart takes her shirt off on loop, pausing it at the most obscene point when the the flight attendants passed.  Maybe you don't have to worry about shame when you hide inside a giant foam head.

It was this memorable plane ride I recalled when I heard how over this most recent Thanksgiving travel period a flier was in arrested in Boston after other passengers noticed him viewing child pornography on his laptop.

Certainly, such a gross episode makes all other questionable viewing seem strictly PG-13.  But, I still retain my self-consciousness.  I wouldn't reveal to my mom what I was reading when she asked, lest she seek the book out, read it herself, and confirm my exposure to the F-word (Fiction, Adult).

A New Mass Begins Today

Today, November 27th 2011 is the first Sunday of Advent, the first Sunday of the new Catholic liturgical year, and the first Sunday a new English translation of the Catholic Mass is being implemented.

The purpose is to move the mass nearer to the original Latin.  A widely cited example (likely because it occurs within the first five seconds of mass) is that when the priest greets the people with "The Lord be with you", instead of "And also with you", the people now respond "And with your spirit".

Awkward, but I'm no writer.  My first thought upon hearing of the coming changes was sympathy for the all the 80 year-old priests, old dogs who have to learn new tricks after decades of a particular litany ingrained deep into their brains.

As with the rest of us.  My own personal concern was that I would feel somehow an obsolete Catholic.  I do not have a perfect attendance record by any means, but have gone enough that I can get by through motor memory of my mouth.  Certainly not anymore.  Worse, I am also concerned I will feel a disconnect with the Church I grew up with.  It was comforting to have an unchanging continuity, to go to mass for an hour and hear the same unchanging words, anywhere I went, as I did when I was eight.

I slept in this morning but my mom went and told me even the priest was reading off the card.  The people, she said, recited a mix of the new and old.  She felt the new translation is a step back.  When she was young and the mass initially changed from Latin, she said there was an similarly awkward, almost too literal translation.  She preferred the version I grew up which had a more common language usage, which she found more accessible.

I'm not sure how other languages handle their translations from Latin.  At Columbia, our Polish chaplain criticized English (or the American version, anyway) as the only translation to begin the Nicene Creed with "We Believe" - the Latin is Credo, "I believe" - because "Americans think they're special".  I liked our version, it gave a sense of community.  Unfortunately, he won: the Nicene is changed because to  "I believe" in the new version.

I'll be interested to see the faces of the Christmas/Easter Catholics this Christmas when the mass gets going.  Will they worry they've walked into the wrong building?

Epicurus on Happiness (and Shopping)

Did you enjoy your retail therapy, America?  Did it make you happy?  I would guess not in the long run.  Gift-giving and charity are supposed to bring joy, but sadly Black Friday is becoming increasingly about getting a great-priced HDTV for one's self.

Almost five years ago, Christmas 2006, I was home and bummed having ended a long-term relationship.  Flipping channels, I came across Alain de Botton's Philosophy: A Guide To Happiness on PBS World, right at the beginning of Socrates' episode.  It was a heaven-send, and greatly consoled me through the pain I was feeling and brought be comfort.  It was so good, that I stuck around for the next episode in the series, featuring Epicurus and his perspcription for happiness.  It was a different subject-matter, though similarly helpful:

The issue is this: we want, for example, friendship, which everyone agrees brings happiness.  Knowing this, advertisers display a group of friends laughing in camaraderie around a television.  The implied subtext is that if we had that TV, we could have parties, and the socialization and good cheer that comes with them.  So, we buy the television as a means to an end: friendship.  Epicurus reminds us that if we want friendship, the television isn't necessary.  Moreover, if the TV was ever necessary for those others to be spending time with us, then as our mothers would agree, they were never really our friends.

So, most of our problems are due to that we're confused on how to attain happiness.  Friends are free, or they should be.  I found Epicurus's philosophy encouragingly optimistic and accessible.  Part 3 of Epicureanism's simple Four-Part Guide for Happiness states:

What is good is easy to get...

Also from the video, I found it interesting that a wealthy devotee of Epicurus had plastered a local market with reminders of such teachings.  What if everywhere in our local malls were posted: "Go ahead and buy, but it won't make you happy".


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Incidentally, the documentaries are based on de Botton's excellent book, The Consolations of Philosophy, which I borrowed from Norwalk's public library the very next business day.  Stumbling across that documentary was an awakening and I count it as a turning-point in my life.

The Time Costs of My Thanksgiving Television

About five years ago I gave up cable TV and never looked back.  I've saved hours on my life, countless brain cells, and upwards of $50 each month, so let's say between $2,000 and $3,000 - oh Jesus - and counting.  Between Hulu.com, ordering entire seasons through Netflix, and the TVs at the gym I still manage to get a satisfying programming fix.  About ten TVs play simultaneously at the gym, and I'm always revlived to confirm that there really is nothing on aside from Law & Order episodes and a seemingly daily marathon of Kim Kardashian's wedding, which even her divorce isn't stopping.

My mother still subscribes to cable, and when I visit during holidays it's a chance to catch up on what I've been missing (for some reason when we watch together the intersection on what everyone can tolerate is HGTV renovation shows).  Fortunately, during the holidays there are always lots of good movies.  Since Wednesday I've watched four classics: Gone with the Wind, Snow White and the Seven Dwarves, Miracle on 34th Street, and The Godfather last night.  Although The Godfather is really really good I found I increasingly dreaded the coming commercial breaks.  This was especially due to these very bad Walmart commercials that kept playing.  Often during the same commercial cycle Walmart took out multiple Black Friday ads.  The more I watched the more annoying they became.  I covered my ears to avoid the torture.  I felt I was being brainwashed.

I don't usually watch so much TV, and I wanted to figure out how much of my life I was giving up to commercials to watch these movies.  The metrics are easy.  Take a typical sitcom, slotted 8-8:30 (30 minutes) which is well-know to only be about 22 minutes of programming.  Nothing is for free, and so even analog users "pay" to watch the shows by sitting through 8 minutes of commercials (cable users pay twice, via commercials and cable bills).  In a sense, each minute of commercials "buys" 1.4 minutes of sitcom programming for the viewer.

I calculated the minutes of movie purchased by each commercial minute for the four movies I'd watched.  The slotted times were easy to remember or look-up from yesterday's TV listings.  In terms how that time divides into movies and commercials, I discovered that when you enter [movie name] running time into the Google search bar you are given an estimate of the film's running time, pulled from wikipedia.org, amazon.com, fairly reliable sources.  Of course there could be further editing for TV, but I ignore that for now.

The results are below.  The abbreviation "mb" stands for number of "minutes bought" of the movie by each minute of commercial.

• Gone with the Wind: Slotted for 300 minutes, Run Time 222 minutes - 2.8mb
• Snow White and the Seven Dwarves: Slotted for 95 minutes, Run Time 83 minutes - 6.9mb
• Miracle on 34th Street: Slotted for 120 minutes, Run Time 96 minutes - 4.0mb
• The Godfather: Slotted for 240, Run Time 175 - 2.7mb

Longer movies are clearly much more time expensive - The Godfather was 2.5x more so than Snow White.  Each minute of commercial break during Snow White bought almost seven minutes of movie.  My interpretation is that longer movies allow the advertisers to fit more commercials in.  There's no volume discount here.  On the other hand, a minute of 30-minute sitcom commercials only buys 1.4 minutes of programming, the most expensive of all.  A more complete analysis would account for more characteristics - all else equal, programming with more desirability (perhaps prime-time sitcoms vs. cable movie reruns) should be more time expensive.  There is also already an existing price mechanism in how much advertisers pay for the privilege of airing commercials - it would be interesting to see in what cases that cost is shirted to viewers or borne by advertisers.

Lastly, the quality of commercials was not accounted for here, but makes a big difference, too.  The Walmart Black Friday commercials last night were particularly tedious, and unfortunately more frequent.

Holiday Overlap

When Santa Claus arrives at Herald Square later this morning in Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade, it represents the utmost visual concurrence of two holidays.  It is simultaneously both Thanksgiving and Christmas in the most natural sense of the intersection.

In the holiday season we rapidly progress from Halloween to Thanksgiving to Christmas to New Year's, without well-defined delimiters.  Cashier isle magazines have already been changed to their Thanksgiving issues before Halloween even arrives.  Fortunately Halloween and Thanksgiving both contain elements of harvest festivals and so the blend is natural.  I view pumpkin pie has having the greatest cross-over appeal.  It is a kind of final stage of the pumpkin cycle - evil Jack O'Lanterns redeemed into sweet dessert.

Much has already been said of Christmas creep.  I think it nothing to hear Christmas music in the malls mid-November.  But now Christmas has increasingly cannibalized November, so that preparations for decorations in stores have begun before I've even put my pumpkin out.

I endeavored to identify items with a foot in both Halloween and Christmas.  I thus present, to the best of my knowledge, the overlap of Halloween and Christmas:

• Tim Burton's "The Nightmare Before Christmas"
• B-Horror film "Jack Frost"
• The Ghost of Christmas Future
• Sexy Santa, Ms. Claus, or Elves costumes
• The song "Linus and Lucy", featured in both the Halloween and Christmas Charlie Brown specials
• Late October in many stores

Happy Thanksgiving!!!