Thursday, July 19, 2007

A Silent Scream

When I got my braces on in October, my orthodontist told me I would really be "feeling it" on top given the thickness of the upper wire. I ended up feeling nothing what-so-ever, and was actually worried that maybe the brackets had come unattached or something. Well, maybe the top was dulled by what I was feeling on my bottom jaw; a pain like I've never experienced before. I remember sitting with a dull throbbing in night class, somewhere in the back of my mind I could hear the professor was speaking, but it was sort of a hushed whisper under the beating of each heartbeat I felt in my jaw.

So I sat there in silence with my eyes closed. Who would know that I was feeling what I was feeling? Although we often see a football injury and cringe, on MTV's Scarred helmet-less boys make a potentially brain-damage inducing crash without noise. Much more invisible is emotional pain; who out there is (silently) suffering from depression, unknown to us?

Don't we ever want just want to scream? An Edvard Munch's The Scream type of scream. Like when David in Six Feet Under's pilot learns his father died, but still must stand composed for another family's funeral, and imagines screaming loudly in the middle of it? I think I've forgotten the number of times I must have mentally screamed. I think I can scream louder in my head; I'm not sure my vocal cords could take what I'd want to let out sometimes.

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