Don't pluck the duck

The news today was that the US duck population has decreased 11% in the last year. I first I thought that was good because then less crap on the football field, but then I realized that was bad because those were actually geese making the crap and after that I trealized it really didn't matter because I haven't played football in years and years.

Ducks are an oppressed species. Of all the persecuted ethnic groups and peoples in our nation's history, did we ever behead them and eat their flesh? (Even if it's all succulent dark meat?) Duck is relatively rare in the grocery store (not that I look…drool). They're soon go the way of their Dodo cousins.

There are a few duck celebrities, however. These are ducks of influence who have “made it” in a world which hates them: Donald, his nephews, Scrooge McDuck (he's Scottish), Daffy, Daisy, Count Duckula...That's about it. There are probably so few because we've decimated their ranks. Yet, these few have sickly only excelled because they have been the poodles-puppets of Hollywood, all the while performing their duck-minstrel shows. These lap-ducks have only prospered themselves because they have sold out. They are the double-crossers of duckdom. They have turned their back on their humble duck roots of the ponds and marshes and in perversion risen to the heights of fame while avariciously making money for the media elite and for themselves, though at the cost of their souls. Recalling Malcolm X they are the “house slaves” of the waterfowl family.

Oh, but remember how Donald got angry used to box with one arm straight and one arm swinging? Then one cartoon this guy put a violin there (as Donald was in perfect playing position/motion) and started dancing a jig...oh man, that's still funny fifteen+ years later.

OK, I like Donald. (Who gets stuck with all the bad luck?…No one but Donald Duck) He’s alright in my book. Don’t worry Donald, I can understand what you’re saying, even if no one else can…you speak to my heart. I also somewhat appreciate newer-Daffy. Old-Daffy was annoying as he was bouncing around the pond and acting crazy and what not. I always wanted him to get killed. He has been doing penance ever since, however, in his newer incarnations. It's never wabbit season for you, buddy…always duck season...