First Dream...

And the dreams have started....This morning, I had the first with my deceased brother in it. It wasn't quite as freaky as that of my first dream of my father after he died...when he came in with blood-red eyes, sat us down in the living room and short of shrugged his shoulders at us asking how he was. There have been many since. At less than two weeks since my brother died, it's starting much sooner (and incidentally, the ones of my father have never stopped...).

In high school, doing a Columbine-style shooting, but I'm one of the accomplices...the other two are the killers from Gus Van Zant's Elephant (a movie I wanted to show to Scott)...I didn't really kill any students, but because I had seen the movie and already knew what was "supposed" to happen, I was pointing out to the other two what they were "supposed" to do (I was directing them in a way). Eventually, the police and SWAT team showed up and I knew I was dead (i.e., they'd gun me down)...I shot at them from the windows with my assault rifle to stall them. Suddenly, the blond killer shows up like at the end (and I knew the other was "supposed" to surprisingly kill him then) but, I shot him first (multiple times as he was thrown against the wall) although after about three shots the dark-haired killer joined in. I then told the the dark-haired killer to go tothe couple hiding in the kitchen (eenie, meenie, minie, moe). I later heard two gun shots, confirming how I suspected that movie would have played out. Suddenly the SWAT team was about to break through...I lost my weapon and convinced the (gullible) SWAT leader I was an innocent student, but knew they'd figure out sooner or later the truth of my involvement. They left me to attack the dark-haired killer, and I then stepped into a side gym and plotted my escape....perhaps knowing it was a dream, I got the idea I had the ability to will myself wherever I wanted to be...I thought about home, and my brother...the room got dark, I saw myself falling into a black hole, and found myself at the corner of Ambler and George in Norwalk. Instantly, Scott in his Jeep turned the corner.

Scott drove me to the house, we went upstairs into his room. He looked maybe five years younger than when I saw him last. I somehow became convinced all this was the product of time travel, that I really had gotten a second chance to save him (sort of like a reverse The Terminator or in Back to the Future where Marty wants to warn Doc about getting killed) because it was really several years in the past (prior to today). But, I was so overwhelmed with emotion, I just began to cry, balling my eyes out, and grabbing his legs (he was sitting) not wanting to let him go. I think he was a bit freaked out by my reaction. At some point, I became aware that he had been time traveling, too, and was aware of many parts of his life, including the future (it was all very Slaughterhouse Five). So, with choked voice I asked him if he knew what would happen to him in July, 2007, but he said he didn't know, and I was unable to tell him...I was just too choked up. I just tried to beg him to take care of himself, but he slowly and increasingly became distracted in playing Super Mario Brothers 3 on his Gameboy (I also was momentarily distracted when I saw how fun the game was). I became worried (and then convinced) that is death would be inevitable, as I just couldn't get through to him. I then woke up to a sense of increasing dread as I realized it was all a dream, and he was gone forever - and I really didn't have my one chance to save him.