Much worse than nightmares are really really good dreams. All dreams end, and reality is much longer-lasting than any dream. Nightmares are a relief to wake up from, while it can be emotional devastating to wake up from a really good dream.
I still recall the Christmas I got a Super Nintendo system, and how much fun I had playing it that morning. Then I woke up and in a panic started tearing my room apart looking for some shred of evidence that it wasn't just a dream, as it slowly dawned on me that it was still about two weeks before Christmas.
I remember sitting on the bus that morning, trying to fall back asleep, hoping I could get find my way back to my happy dream world. Unfortunately, you can never return to the dreams you want you. Sometimes, dreams are so much preferable to our reality. By the way, I didn't get the Nintendo for Christmas that year.
Again, last night I dreamt of my brother. In this dream, I was home in Norwalk, and suddenly appeared around the corner. I was initially freaked out, because I understood then that he was dead, but then calmed down a bit. I guess he was a ghost, and was able to be around the house, interacting with my family and me. It was basically as it was before, except now he had the ability to turn invisible (I think I asked him at one point if he was, like, haunting the house, and he sort of just shrugged his shoulders and said he didn't know). No except me, my mom, and Eric could see him; Becca was over at one point and I was trying to explain things to her, but she didn't believe me. For "proof", I called to Scott to bang once on the wall if was there and twice if he wasn't (not the most logical command). Suddenly, the door of the room flew open, and there was a loud bang on the wall. Becca just sat with her jaw open.
Even if he was dead, I was just so happy that we could at least talk and interact, which was the only real important thing, anyway. I asked him what he was thinking doing what he did, and he said he took nine alcoholic drinks so he wasn't really thinking. It was more like an "oops" moment, because with him still around, there weren't really any consequences. I figured I could just live at the house and hang out. I was so happy...in a sense, it was another "second chance" dream. Truly, it was the happiest dream I had in a long time.
And waking up this morning was the hardest wake-up I can remember. Even last summer, when I did my dream journal, there were countless dreams where I was so happy to get second chances because my dad was alive. That was five years after his death. It hasn't even been three weeks after Scott's. Methinks there are lots to come...
And I wonder if Scott has substituted for my father for the moment. I wonder what it would be like if they're both in my dream at once?
No comments:
Post a Comment